A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME

My husband hums Taps when I bring plants home.  His humorous recognition of my inability to keep vegetation alive is painfully true.   Occasionally, a plant will overcome my lack of nurturing and actually survive.  So, I trimmed the rose bushes the other day.  Okay, I scalped the rose bushes!  I don’t know what came over me!  The incident started as a simple housekeeping task motivated by an artistic desire to “improve” their natural beauty.

I was in the backyard with the dog and noticed the potted rose bushes were looking a bit scraggly although, one bush had several blooms on it.  I was in a hurry to go run my errands, but the dog was taking her time so I went in to the house, set my coffee cup on the counter and brought the scissors outside to trim the bushes.  My caffeine inspired creativity took hold - just a little off here and a little more taken off there.  You know how the rose “sticks” look at the gardening centers in the spring?  That’s how my bushes looked when I finished the job.

One of my favorite movies is Steel Magnolias because the dialogue portrays the essence of a woman’s good intentions.  I love Dolly Parton’s Truvy!  She has some wonderful lines:

Shelby: Truvy, you know what you need in here? You need a radio, takes the pressure off of everyone feeling they have to talk so much.
Truvy: I had one once, but I threw it up against the wall when I couldn't figure out where the batteries went. I know now I was suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome.

Yes, it was probably a female syndrome that inspired my ingenious impulse – forcing me to cut the rose bushes to a nub in the coldest month of the year.  I told my sister about what I did and she related to the incident by telling me about the time she cut her son’s hair.  The haircut started as a trim and it became a buzz cut.  I didn’t tell my husband about the rose bushes, but he noticed and asked why I cut the roses.  I tried to explain how I meant to trim a little off the top and then suddenly the task took over and it turned into a mission to make the rose bushes look prettier, but he just couldn’t relate to my story.  He slowly shook his head in dismay and commented about the trimmings left around the pots.

I’m curious if the newlyweds will cultivate an interest in horticulture because I could be helpful to them – I’m a regular Edward Scissorhands when it comes to gardening!

DREAM CAR

My husband and son drive F-150 trucks.  The guys are in their “truck” phase now.  They go through different vehicle stages – sports cars, motorcycles, SUVs, and classic cars.  We had a Corvair when our son was in high school, not for driving around, just for cruising.  I don’t know much about cars, but I do like the way some cars look.  In the ‘70s my divorced Dad had a 1966 Thunderbird.  I was in high school and I thought the car was beautiful!  It was powder blue inside and out with a curved back seat made of pleated vinyl.  I drove it to school one day.  All the kids were honking and waving – Wow, I’m cool!  That’s what I thought until my friend let me know about the sticker on the back bumper announcing “Honk if you’re horny”. 

Obviously, coolness is in the eye of the beholder whether reading a car’s bumper sticker or truly admiring the automobile.  I don’t really care what kind of car I drive and it’s probably a good thing since I usually drive my husband’s hand-me-downs.  In the 1980s I drove our Corvette because we lived five miles from my office and my husband wanted to keep low mileage on the car.  I was really cool in that car but let me tell you; I was eight months pregnant driving a small car that sits about ten inches from the ground and it was really not that easy to squeeze in and out of the car therefore, this may have negated some of my coolness.

My BDIL (beautiful daughter-in-law) and I drive practical vehicles and it’s probably a good thing since the guys enjoy their automobiles so much.  My son’s truck was their getaway car at the wedding last summer.  My husband and I have pictures of our wedding car too.  The 1966 Thunderbird was in immaculate condition except for a few marks on the back bumper – where I had scratched off the “Honk“ sticker with a sharp knife!

PUPPY LOVE

The newlyweds have a puppy.  He's an adorable miniature dachshund.  My BDIL (beautiful daughter –in-law) calls the little dog a “bundle of cuteness” and that describes him perfectly!

We got a dog when our son was in Kindergarten.  The one-year- old black toy poodle had been raised in someone’s backyard with Dobermans – an endearing five pounder with a fifty pound attitude!  We weren’t sure if it was going to work for us to keep him around because Jacque did not want to obey.  House training was difficult and my husband threaten to get rid of the dog.

One afternoon my sister was making play dough for the kids and the color came out a murky brown.  I seized on the opportunity to play a little trick on my husband and asked her to make doggie poops.  She’s an artist so it was no problem for her to make three little droppings.  I placed the masterpiece on my husband’s office chair in anticipation of his arrival home from work.  “Charlotte, Charlotte, come in here and see what your nasty dog has left on my chair!” he yelled.  I ran into the room and scooped up the mess with my bare hands while profusely apologizing.  His stunned silence and then the slow shake of his head provided the perfect ending to my prank.

Our beloved poodle lived with us for thirteen years.  He died in our son’s senior year in high school.  We buried the dog in the backyard and held a short devotional before praying.  My son said it was silly to go to all the trouble, and although he was probably right, it is the memories that we attach to our pets that provide closure to move on to the next event life has in store for us.  Pets die and our children grow up – it’s the timeline of life and there is a whole lot of nurturing going on in those formative years.  We commemorate births, attend graduations and weddings, we mark successes and learn from our failures.  All this living is enhanced with prayerful attitudes along with plenty of good food and fellowship!  We celebrate the moments and capture the memories for posterity. 

So, now we have a granddog.  I am glad my BDIL challenged me to get 5,000 people on Facebook because FB is the way I keep up with their little family escapades; like the time he went with his “parents” to the pumpkin patch and had his picture taken on a tractor.  It was all so precious  that it made me hope that someday they will have more babies – you know, the kind that don’t need to be scratched behind the ears to be happy!

THE DAM ROAD

My son’s engagement to his girlfriend was a joyful announcement.  We celebrated with food, phone calls to family, and gifts.   I wanted my soon to be daughter-in-law to have a keepsake so I gave her a necklace my husband had given to me on our first Christmas together.  The gift was intended to be a gesture of welcome and appreciation to her for joining our family.

Several weeks later at her birthday party I noticed she was wearing the necklace.  I commented on it and she replied, “I have worn it every day and I plan to wear it as my something old on the wedding day.”  It brought me to tears as I shared with her mother how touched I was by her daughter’s thoughtfulness.

A few months before the wedding my son’s fiancée asked me to go with her to the mall.  She and my son had already picked out their wedding rings and she was going to purchase his that evening.  We planned to go to dinner and then do our shopping.  I called her from the car telling her I was on the dam road and almost there.  Now I have been calling the road across the lake the dam road for several years.  I don’t curse so my junior highish humor gets the best of me at times.  I call my husband every evening when driving home on the “dam road” and tell him about the dam birds, the dam cyclists, or that I’m stopped at the dam light.  I think I’m hilarious!

I say to this sweet, young girl that will soon be my son’s wife that I am on the dam road and should be at her house in a few minutes.  I catch a slight hesitancy in her response which makes me realize what I just said and I ask her if she knew that I meant I was on the road that crosses the lake.  She responded by saying she thought I was just having a really bad day!

I guess some misunderstandings are inevitable when joining a man and wife (and their entire extended families!) in holy matrimony.  Hopefully, we will be able to keep the communication lines open with a lot of sensitivity to each other’s feelings.  I love my son and BDIL (beautiful daughter-in-law), and she did wear the necklace on their wedding day.  It’s such a nice memory that I think I will give her a call on my way home today – right about the time I get to the dam road.

SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE

I’m trying to stay motivated.  My current diet plan allows me to eat anything, anytime, and as much as I want to eat; as long as I count the calories, exercise and stick with the plan!  The numbers are moving VERY SLOWLY down the scale every week. Yikes!  Stop the madness and get a grip.  I show up to my weekly weigh-ins with hopeful expectations and my dreams of slimness are dashed to smithereens.

I like watching those beauty remake shows.  You know the gig; they take a homely woman with good bone structure, unkempt hair, and turn her into a beauty?   I told my BDIL (beautiful daughter-in-law) that I wish I would be picked for a make-over.  She shook her head no and said, “Charlotte, they wouldn’t pick you. They look for people that need a make-over.”  Aww…she’s precious, even if she thinks I can’t find 5,000 people to be friends with me on Facebook.

When it comes to motivating people to lose weight I may need to join one of those organizations that have more of a boot camp mentality.  With a leader that is a wannabe Marine type that shouts “If you want to lose weight then shut your pie hole and put on your big girl panties!”  Put on my big girl panties? Now that is something I can do – I have a drawer full of those!

VAMPIRE FANGS – REALLY?

FANG FAD – Okay, I have lived long enough to see a few fads come and go.  I remember when Dark Shadows was a popular soap opera.  The show had a vampire and love interests, but we never had the urge to identify with the blood-thirsty character!  What’s up with the vampire fangs?   Sixteen year old girls think it is sexy to have them and to make things weirder, their moms seem to think it looks good, too.

The news article I read said the girl loves the vampire movies but that she wasn’t a huge obsessive person but definitely influenced by them.   Really, not obsessive?  Just rearranged her entire lifestyle to look like a bat out of hell.

Flash forward twenty years when the daughter is looking at pictures of herself flashing the pointy teeth smile.

“Mom, what were you thinking?!” the horrified daughter asks. 

“Well, honey, you thought it was cool to have teeth that looked like you wanted to suck the blood out of someone’s neck”, replies the mother.

“And you let me do it?  And you paid $1600, too?” says the astonished daughter.

I don’t know about this trend.  As if there aren’t enough things that our kids can hold against us for their supposedly deprived childhoods!  My husband and I had a traditional, rather conservative approach to teeth – spend money on practical upgrades such as dental hygiene and braces.  And I guess it paid off in the long run. Our son has a beautiful smile and so does our BDIL (beautiful daughter-in-law).  Their pearly whites shine in the wedding pictures!  I guess my son will have to find something else to hold against me – but at least he doesn’t look like Barnabus Collins!

Hoarder with Borders

Hoarder – My newlywed son stopped by the house the other day and during his visit he called me a “hoarder”.  Hey, I’ve watched that show!  The only place we have paths around stuff is in the garage where the remains of his bachelor pad has taken residence.   When BDIL (beautiful daughter-in-law) and son moved into their apartment there was some discussion involving the items in our garage, but moving any of it to the new place was dismissed when BDIL associated the smell of the bachelor pad with the objects.  No way was she moving any of it into their lovely HGTV fragrantly decorated abode.

And why should brides accept any less than panache?  They have department store registries that can accommodate every design concept imaginable.  Newlyweds start out with as many possessions as it took us thirty years to amass.  I have to wonder, will my daughter-in-law ever feel sentimental about my life-long collections?  I hope so.  However, I have realistic expectations because of a set of dishes my neighbor gave me.  My neighbor inherited her mother-in-law’s household items and considered it “all wrong” for her home by dismissing it as her husband’s mother’s stuff.  She opened her garage and readily gave away crystal, Franciscan dishes and other decorative things to the neighbors.  A free garage sale – I’m there!

This happened twenty years ago and it was an important lesson learned.  If one man’s trash is considered another man’s treasure; then we all have a chance our valuables will have homes someday.  That’s a happy thought.  And since my BDIL has challenged me to get 5,000 on Facebook, I think it would be nice to give her a consolation prize –maybe a little keepsake out of the garage! 

A Birthday Party

THE PARTY – My BDIL (beautiful daughter-in-law) and son joined the festivities celebrating my husband’s birthday.  This is my thirty-seventh year to wish my husband a happy birthday.   In our (almost) four decades together we have grown older and wiser, added a few gray hairs and a couple of extra pounds; that’s probably because of all the “wisdom” we have stored in obvious places.  Gathering with family and friends around the table is important part of our heritage that we want to share with our new daughter-in-law.  She has already observed, during their dating and engagement period, that our family has A Lot of Family Reunions!

It is fun getting her perspective of our clan’s traditions.  One family gathering is our annual pilgrimage to east Texas.  I’m a native Texan myself so it is odd I can’t understand English when we are in east Texas.  It is a different dialect that has a cadence all its own but that’s my husband’s side of the family.  I understand my side of the family perfectly.  My husband claims they are difficult to understand at times – go figure.

So my son and BDIL are now in the swirl of birthday parties, family reunions, weddings and funerals.  Being present is the ultimate representation - gifts, cards, Facebook messages are all good acknowledgements of a special occasion, but it can’t compare to the joy on my husband’s face when dear ones were giving him birthday hugs.  Thanks for the memories – and keep them coming!